I have unknowingly become accustomed to being in control of the spaces I operate and work in. In a classroom I’ve always had eyes on me, in a museum I am in complete control of the artifacts, in a community center I was the one behind the desk. This meant that people were coming into spaces that I control, with little experience of being outside of these spaces. After working in Congressman Gomez’s office for a few weeks, I found myself in scenarios that made me extremely uncomfortable but required professionalism. This week the office held a press conference in a public space to celebrate recent funding for an environmental justice program in Boyle Heights. Since the location was a public space, the conference had several individuals heckling while speeches were given. Although I was only there to help the host office, it made me angry that someone would disturb something that benefits underserved communities. All I could do was try to ignore the person shouting about displacement. This discomfort extends back to the host office, where I am always on edge for the next phone call. While most phone calls are from people in need or leaving positive comments for the Congressman, there is always the chance that the next caller will start expressing their discontentment at me or the Congressman. Oftentimes this dissatisfaction is misplaced, where the caller is speaking about a county or city issue, but they feel that they have run out of options.
I can vividly remember all of these callers and how upset they are, passionate in sharing their stories and then disappointment after telling them that we unfortunately cannot help. I have recently received a call from a constituent, angry that her freedom to protest has been violated after being fired from her job, calling us because no other officials would help her. After telling her that this may be a city issue, she spoke about being oppressed and the Congressman was complicit before I said, “I am going to have to hang up the phone now, I hope you can find someone to help you.” The common thread between these interactions with the public was that I forgot that the hecklers and the callers believed that their needs are not being met, and they are frustrated in getting left behind and unheard. I cannot excuse the methods in how they approach making their voices heard, but their needs are valid. Just like how I do not have control in the spaces I inhabit to interact with the public, they do not have control over their own spaces, which is why they resort to calling the Congressman’s office. It made me realize that I do not have the luxury to be in control of the spaces where I interact with people, that I do not have the luxury to control my environment to suit my needs, when others also have little agency to do the same.
The meaning of community engagement and community organizing is to serve the ones around us, to be resources for those who may not have all of the information, and to let go of the control I have held onto. It comes with the realization that I may not be always operating on my terms in spaces that I am comfortable with. While it is important to take a step back and breathe before taking the next call, to properly advocate for my community, the time spent at my host office has taught me the need to be flexible.